Top 10 (really) awful app ideas
Pointless, stupid or downright dangerous!
Download these digital disasters at your own peril.
1. Voices Reunited
Meet the Grim Reaper of voice recording. Absolutely no different from every other audio recording app, but marketed purely at capturing your loved-ones’ voices so you can listen to them once they’ve snuffed it. Voices Reunited sadly no longer exists in the physical world, but is still very much with us in spirit. RIP.
2. Kiss Analyzer
Really, really like your phone? Well here’s a suitable excuse for giving it a good snog. Show your phone-screen what an amazing kisser you are and you’ll get rated on your technique and given tips for improvements. A terrible app, for terrible people.
3. Banana – Scan. Peel. Eat
The concept is simple. Using the latest in AI technology, you take a photo of that yellow bendy piece of fruit in front of you, and the app will confirm that it is A) a banana B) not a banana. You’ll never eat an inanimate object by mistake again. Phew.
4. I AM RICH
At a whopping $999,99, you’d expect great things from an app. But this one, did absolutely nothing apart from display the words: I am rich, I deserve it, I am good, healthy & successful.
So, it was basically an app to just prove you had so much money you could throw it away on nothing. We may mock it, but eight people still went and snapped this bargain up.
5. Taxi Hold’em
A taxi app, but not like the Uber we know today. This was quite simply an app that displayed a large bright yellow TAXI sign on your phone, so you could wave a black cab down. Not only completely unnecessary, it also proved to be dangerous. Rather than concentrating on the road, cabbies were squinting their eyes to see what the sign said. No longer available for a good reason.
6. Is it dark outside?
Is it dark outside? The app for people who have either been locked in a basement or are too lazy to look out their window. It does what it says on the tin. It tells you if it’s dark outside with a simple ‘NO’ or ‘YES’. Download it and your life will be complete.
7. Heater
Turn your mobile phone into a mini-heater. This app puts your iPhone into overdrive, uses up all of its battery and potentially leaves your phone with long-term damage, just so you can warm your hands up. Verdict: we’ll stick to gloves thanks.
8. Virtual Stapler
The world’s most realistic stapler simulator of all time, it’s yours for just 0.99 cents. There are even ten different stapler types to choose from. The app sells itself on the premise of being ‘hours of wholesome fun and the cure to ultra-hard games’.
9. Send me to Heaven
A vertical distance measuring app, players compete to see who can lob their phone highest into the air. Some users have been so eager to partake, they’ve hurled their smart phones into the air and watched them smash into tiny pieces, without even downloading the app first. A fine example of digital Darwinism.
10. Pee in the Dark
We’ll say nothing and just leave you with the instructions:
1. Audio is required
2. Hold the phone waist height
3. Aim your stream by tilting the phone and turning your body
4. Close your eyes
5. Don’t make a mess
Oh. dear.
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